By Hazri Hood

Leaders whom we consider to be our role models always seem to know how to carry themselves. They just seem to be at ease in any given situation and are able to respond aptly in situations we would consider awkward. They can light up the room when the time calls for it or provide the necessary calmness to anxious nerves in times of crisis. You just wonder, how do they do that?

In leadership terms, this is the result of a heightened level of self-awareness. Self-awareness is a condition or state where an individual is in tune with how s/he processes information within and around, and responds based on that information. So, what’s the big deal about self-awareness? Well, perhaps it is not so important, unless you are thinking of becoming a better leader. But seriously, we are all social beings, so having some idea of how other people see us or to behave normally in society is somewhat important. To a large extent, having people around us and our conformity to social norms have taken care of that. There are social rules that we abide by, like shaking hands when we meet people to establish connection, and we display appropriate behaviours like waiting in line to buy ‘nasi lemak’ at our favourite stall. These social rules help us behave the way we should, in public.

But we would just be deluding ourselves if we believe that all our behaviours are based strictly on conforming to social rules. How does it feel like to live under the cloud of social “persuasion” all the time? We are not in a position to analyse the meaning of Renee Descartes’ philosophical quote “I think; therefore I am,” but suffice to say that every one of us have different levels of self-awareness though our lives. Self-awareness is also important for us to learn to live the life that is most meaningful to us. It helps us understand what are important to us and prioritise what matters most, according to our own individual unique values. For some, at the most fundamental level, having self-awareness helps them reconcile their wants with their needs. For others, it becomes a baseline from where they build themselves up further. It is the first step towards taking control of your life – or simply put, leading your life the way that you want it to be.

In Winning Minds’ leadership principle, self-awareness is the basic tenet of leadership consciousness. Our leadership journeys begin with self-awareness. By having self-awareness, we reflect on how we feel inside when we process information around us – we learn how external stimuli affect us, influence the way we feel and think. With self-awareness we begin to think of how people see us through different lenses, because to become a leader it is crucial to understand how people see us and why they see us that way. As we condition ourselves to reach a heightened sense of self-awareness, we develop a more accurate sense of self.

Reflect

Studies have shown that only 10-15 percent of us have a decent measure of self-awareness. What is interesting is that the same study also reveals that about 80% of us believe otherwise – that we are self-aware. That is a considerable gap between reality and our beliefs. Why is that so? Well, the short answer is that we are, first and foremost, inward focussed beings. Self-preservation determines that we take care of ourselves first before others. So, how does one enhance self-awareness? Because most of us are emotional beings first and subsequently social beings, being in tune with our own feelings and behaviours would be the beginning of achieving a self-awareness.

First is to learn to see yourself and your actions objectively; be honest with how you feel and begin to unravel the reason why you feel that way. This can come with deep reflection. As you discover and learn more about yourself, you will find both rewards and disconcerting revelations. There may be some matters that require you to reflect deeply on what you believed once to be true (but no longer anymore) and how you can reconcile them. To me, this is the biggest pay-off. Reconciliation may carry a different meaning to different people, but this will help us make sense of who we are and subsequently find our place in the world around us.

Get Feedback

Self-awareness cannot be achieved through self-reflection alone. Since we are all emotional beings, maintaining our own objectivity in judging our feelings is difficult. For example, we may tend to be hard on ourselves at times; but we may also let ourselves off the hook (easily) when it benefits us too. Our emotional state also influences our ability to be self-aware – countless times we are reminded NOT to make decisions in a state of anger, less we live to regret them – I am sure we have all been there before. But the point here is that, to help enhance self-awareness, we need to get external feedback. Honest feedback is the most valuable gift we can receive in our journey to self-awareness, not just for validation but for the blind-sides that we almost certainly have. While we may begin to have a good sense of who we are, others may see our overt actions, or merely things that we say, very differently. So, beware, the journey to self-awareness will come with some bumps here and there.

So, back to the beginning – how is it that the leaders we admire are able to do what intrigues us so much?

Well, firstly, they are well in tune with their own emotions “in the moment” – how they feel, what words they use, etc. Secondly, they are acutely aware of people around them – the mood, the expectation of onlookers around. Thirdly, seasoned leaders recognise how their demeanour impact others around them. This is not so much of a genetic gift but more of a skill developed around their “senses” honed over time.

There is a lot of “sensing” to be done, you might say, but with heightened self-awareness, leaders use their senses to master interaction with the larger outside world. They master their own emotions and read the emotions of other and choose either to collide or converge with others, towards an end in mind. They have clarity of purpose, and what they do seem to be deliberate actions building up to a meaningful outcome for all.

Admittedly some people have the gift of figuring the world out better than others. Unless you are one of them, a good coach can help to accelerate heightened self-awareness. Through establishing an environment of trust, a coach can guide you along a path of self-discovery through asking powerful questions that help you arrive at options for your personal leadership journey.